With an Open Hand

My four day weekend is coming to an end. It was only supposed to last three days with the holiday to commemorate Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. yesterday. But, thanks to a wintry mix that the metro DC area, and Northern VA in particular, can't handle very well...school was closed today. Believe me, I'm not complaining...I'm very thankful! But it's just seems ridiculous that less than a third of an inch of snow and ice can close school for the day. Anyway, it will be back to reality tomorrow (I think).

I tried to use my extra time this extended weekend well. I was able to spend quality time with friends and family, read and journal some, and also work on a job application. Part of this "change in the making" thing is that I'm exploring some options for a different job after this school year in a response to the discontent and stirring in my heart that I feel. I have submitted an application for one job already, and am working on a second now.

The job applications are challenging to me. Not so much in completing them, but in thinking about the prospects. As with anything new, there is an element of uncertainty and anxiety about putting yourself out there. As I write a cover letter or tweak my resume, I feel vulnerable. I am exposing myself and making it known that I desire something (a job in this case) that I may not get...I may not even get an interview. It's that way with so much in life...a new relationship, taking on a project or leadership role, training for a race, trying out for an athletic team, applying to college, auditioning for a solo, etc.. You make yourself vulnerable and open to failure or disappointment. Others know what you're trying for and what will they think if it doesn't happen? How will I feel if I fail or don't get what I want? But without taking the risk, there is no chance to experience something new and fulfilling.

This serves as a timely reminder to me to not hold too tightly to anything this world has to offer. Yes, I do have these aspirations and passions and want to chase after them. Yet just as quickly as something comes, it can also go. If I keep my hand open, I can welcome the new and take hold of it, but also let it passby if it's not right for me. If I do not cling to the things of this world, but rather hope and trust knowing that God already has the best planned for me, I will not be shaken even when I experience failure, heartbreak, or disappointment. So with an open hand I have peace knowing it's not really in my hands.